01.17.08
Control
Have been waking up later than usual. The eyes open at around 5.45 and am awake around 6.15. Late for me but its great too. Had a wonderfully relaxing weekend at the Makwana home in LA.
I have been working on multiple things lately – in the lab and in my personal front. Like most other people, I get the feeling that I don’t have complete control over my things. It is the tasks in the day that control me rather than the other way around. I don’t mean this in a superficial manner but rather on the level of the mind. Once the task begins, I am completely into it physically but mentally I am all over the place.
This doesn’t mean that I do not spend quality time on my experiments. I do. My mind goes into this hyper-activity zone. I can think of a hundred different things at the same time. However, when all this involves other people, it can get quite difficult.
These days I have been questioning my need to be in control and the way it has been affecting my thought process.
Some basic questions: Why the need to control our own thoughts? How much do other people’s actions affect our own thought process? How rational are we when we react to other people’s words and actions? How much do our past experiences influence the way we feel today?
I think I might have come up with answers – right or wrong, I don’t know.
Tor said,
January 19, 2008 at 11:33 pm
so many questions here… why the need to be rational in our reactions? i think it’s great that my interactions with others affect me. i think that sometimes it sucks that my past experiences affect my current actions. but at the same time, i cannot imagine how dreadfully boring i would be if i hadn’t had all of the interesting interactions with others that have formed me.
i have been blessed in my life with amazing friendships. these have made me the woman i am. a woman i mostly like- tho there are bits of her i’m still working on. i do wish i could let go of some of my bitterness about past romanticness, since it can potentially taint new relationships.
so, my question for you is: why the need for rational when you are talking about interactions with people?